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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“I was a Teletype operator in the army, so that's where I learned to type. One day, I went downstairs to see if I could still type - I hadn't done it for four or five years after the war. So I typed out a page and I showed it to my wife and she said, "Where did you get this?" I said I wrote it. "You wrote this?" It was something very funny. I went and wrote another page, another couple of pages, and by the time I was finished I had 13 little short stories, humorous short stories.”

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Author:Carl Reiner
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“When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.”

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Author:Sacha Guitry
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“My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.”

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Author:Jack Benny
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“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”

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Author:Lana Turner
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“Exactly. She does not shine as a wife even in her own account of what occurred. I am not a whole-souled admirer of womankind, as you are aware, Watson, but my experience of life has taught me that there are few wives having any regard for their husbands who would let any man's spoken word stand between them and that husband's dead body. Should I ever marry, Watson, I should hope to inspire my wife with some feeling which would prevent her from being walked off by a housekeeper when my corpse was lying within a few yards of her.”

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Book:The Complete Sherlock Holmes: All 56 Stories & 4 Novels
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“Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not going to divorce you for refusing to spend forty hours a week making up lies about toilet paper.”

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Book:The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig
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