Hilarious Quotes
Browse 487 quotes about Hilarious.
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Hilarious Quotes
“Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.”
“When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!”
“Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.”
“I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.”
“If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.”
“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”
“People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.”
“Just go up to somebody on the street and say 'You're it!' and then run away.”
“Google "brooklyn writer" and you'll get, Did you mean: the future of literature as we know it?”
“I like stepping into the future. Therefore, I look for doorknobs.”
“It was like hiking into a Hemingway story; everything was sepia-toned and bristling with subtext.”
“Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.”
“Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?”
“If you have something to say and say nothing, you are really telling a lie.”
“Look how often the unexpected happens - yet we still never expect it.”
“One possible reason that I don't believe in fate is that I wasn't fated to.”
“When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course.”
“I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.”
“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.”
“I needed to make my wig ogg because I no longer wanted to apologize for who I am”
“A conglomerate heap of trash, that's what I am. But it burns with a high flame.”