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Humour Quotes

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Humour Quotes

“To ask a man whether or not he has a girlfriend is to talk about his sex life. If you disagree with that, then how in the name of God do you differentiate between a man’s girlfriend and a girl that is a friend to the man?”

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Book:The Use and Misuse of Children
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“A man cannot really be called (sexually) confident if he has never bought his woman a vibrator.”

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Book:On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
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“Some people are so sexually unattractive that the thought of masturbating turns them off.”

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Book:On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
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“Most if not all sexually active people do not really love having sex; they merely love experiencing an orgasm every now and then.”

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Book:On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
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“The primary goal of a righteous parent who has a daughter is to minimize the number of boys and men for whom their daughter will have willingly opened her legs come her wedding day; the closer to zero, the more righteous they will seem.”

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Book:On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
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“Coco Chanel is said to have said that a girl should be two things: who and what she is. I say a girl should do two things: what and who she wants.”

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Book:On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
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“Some men do not know the father of 'their' children.”

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Book:On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
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“A seemingly simple task like taking a bath or wearing a condom feels like multitasking to someone who suffers from hemiplegia or has only one hand.”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“One of the main functions of a push-up bra is to lower the number of mothers who seem like mothers.”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“The average adult has had sex innumerable times more than they have formed an opinion of their own.”

ChildrenFactsHumorFunnyQuotesSexOpinionHumourHumorousAdultsQuoteProfoundPhilosopherQuote Of The DayThoughtfulSatireThought ProvokingConformityDeepInsightfulThinkerChildAphorismSouth AfricaThinkQuotationsConformAfricaMaximsSayingsFactAdagesProverbsAphorismsMake You ThinkOpinionsAxiomsAdultAdageProverbSatiricalSayingEpigramsAfricanQuotationGnomeGrownupsSatiristMaximEpigramGnomesProvoke ThoughtMade Me ThinkThinkersAxiomIndependent ThinkingDictumDictumsSouth AfricanSexual IntercourseSatiristsGrownupIndependent ThinkersIndependent Thinker
Book:The Use and Misuse of Children
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“Some women’s greatest achievement is sleeping with a man who is rich, famous, and/or wanted by many women, whereas some women’s greatest achievement is refusing to sleep with such a man.”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“When selecting a one-night stand, a heterosexual woman who is materialistic is a trillion times more likely to choose a sexually unattractive poor man who seems rich over a sexually attractive rich man who seems poor.”

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Book:The Use and Misuse of Children
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“Like alcohol and poverty, a heartbreak has the power to make a man do something he wouldn’t normally do and to make a woman do someone she wouldn’t normally do.”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“For their never-ending endeavours to obtain or retain wealth, countries desperately need companies, because they—unlike most human beings—have the means of production, and human beings, because they—unlike all companies—have the means of reproduction.”

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Book:The Use and Misuse of Children
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“I got it! I got it!” Heeb declared triumphantly. Evan stopped in the middle of his kitchenette to hear Heeb’s idea. “Sex in the Title.” “Yeah, that’s what you’ve been saying I need.” “No, that’s the title: ‘Sex in the Title.’” “You want me to call my novel ‘Sex in the Title?’” “Yeah. Isn’t it great?”

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Book:Sex in the Title: A Comedy about Dating, Sex, and Romance in NYC
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“I was flipping channels, watching this cheerleading program on MTV. They took a field hockey girl and “transformed” her into a cheerleader by the end of the show. I was just wondering: what if she liked field hockey better?”

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Book:EyeLeash: A Blog Novel
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“[novan]: bassists are very good with their fingers [novan]: and some of us sing backup vocals, so that means we're good with our mouths too... (~ IM chat with Novan Chang, 18, bassist)”

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Book:EyeLeash: A Blog Novel
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“O woman, father says natural is beautiful so why do you redden your cheeks and blacken your eyes? Why do you remove the hair on your legs and draw them into your brows? Why do you hold your breath lest your stomach show and hold your fart lest they know that you’re a human? O woman, father says natural is beautiful so why do you straighten your hair to curl it next and pretend to orgasm so they think you enjoyed the sex? Why do you dumb yourself down and push your breasts up? Why do you smile when you’re told to and love when you don’t want to? When? When will you stop, woman? Father says natural is beautiful but that is doubtful for what does father know he’s only a fellow.”

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Author:Kamand Kojouri
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“Most women sell sex; most of them just don’t take cash (nor do they each sell to more than one ‘client’ at a time).”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it.”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“The male tax?” “Yeah. The tax that men have to pay for not having to menstruate every month. Or risk getting pregnant. Or deal with the physically stronger sex in a macho world… Women have to put up with all that stuff, so the least we men can do is pay the male tax and get the tab.”

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Book:Sex in the Title: A Comedy about Dating, Sex, and Romance in NYC
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“Most men would no longer enjoy conversing with most women if they stopped bringing their vaginas along.”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“It is still cheating, even if nobody comes.”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Even the world’s greatest actor cannot fake an erection.”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with whom they want or wanted to have sex.”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Most people who are would each not be in love with their partner, if they did not have the kind of genitals they have.”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“It's time to shop high heels if your fiance kisses you on the forehead.”

InspirationalWritingBelievePhilosophyWisdomHumorMotivationalRomanceQuotesBeliefEnergySexPerfectBeautyKnowledgeComedyWifeFashionDesignHumourConfidenceHusbandKissingSpeechClothesFemaleHotShoesSexySelf ConfidenceKissFearlessGirlfriendMovieStoryShoppingRhetoricSpouseJeansOld FashionedCurvesCreative WritingInheritanceModelingSlogansAmit KalantriGarmentsAmit Kalantri QuotesPublic SpeakingBoyfriendProverbsWardrobeTrust YourselfFaceSocial NetworkingBloggingInterior DesignCelebrityCharactersHigh HeelsCosmeticsAmit Kalantri WriterAdageNovel WritingFashion DesignerBook WritingFlameEssayBoldFashion IndustryScriptOutfitsAdvertisementBlogMovie DialogueCoolScript WritingDressCatchphrasesAlliterationsPrettyTag LinesScriptwritingCatch LinesSpeechwritingApparelPunchlineFashion QuotesRampDressingHotnessHangersFashion StatementMake UpTrendCatwalkFianceFrench KissCostumeOutfitGod GivenFigureClothes QuotesTrendingDudeDressing SenseMake Fun OfFashionsMakeoverPage 3MannequinFace CreamBorn WithForeheadKitty PartyWearing ClothesTailorBody CurveFiancéeLooking HotDressmakersHangerPut On QuotesKissing On Lips
Book:Wealth of Words
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“Many millions of pregnancies—many if not most of which have each led to the birth of at least one child—were each used as nothing but a conspicuous means to a secret end called the evasion of abortion.”

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Book:The Use and Misuse of Children
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“Лейтенанту Шейскопфу отчаянно хотелось завоевать первое место на параде, и, обдумывая, как это сделать, он просиживал за столом чуть не до рассвета, в то время как его жена, охваченная любовным трепетом, дожидалась его в постели, перелистывая заветные страницы Крафта-Эббинга. Муж в это время читал книги по строевой подготовке. Он закупал коробками шоколадных солдатиков и переставлял их на столе, пока они не начинали таять в руках, и тогда он принимался за пластмассовых ковбоев, выстраивая их по двенадцати в ряд. Этих ковбоев он выписал по почте на вымышленную фамилию и днем держал под замком, подальше от чужих глаз. Альбом с анатомическими рисунками Леонардо да Винчи стал его настольной книгой. Однажды вечером он почувствовал, что ему необходима живая модель, и приказал жене промаршировать по комнате. — Голой?! — с надеждой в голосе спросила она. Лейтенант Шейскопф в отчаянии схватился за голову. Он проклинал судьбу за то, что она связала его с этой женщиной, не способной подняться выше похоти и понять душу благородного мужчины, который геройски ведет поистине титаническую борьбу во имя недосягаемого идеала. — Почему ты меня никогда не постегаешь кнутом, милый? — обиженно надув губки, однажды ночью спросила жена. — Потому что у меня нет на это времени, — нетерпеливо огрызнулся он. — Нет времени, ясно? Неужели ты не знаешь, что у меня парад на носу?”

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Book:Catch-22
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“With right fashion, every female would be a flame.”

InspirationalWritingBelievePhilosophyWisdomHumorMotivationalQuotesBeliefEnergySexBeautyKnowledgeComedyFashionHumourConfidenceSpeechClothesFemaleHotSexySelf ConfidenceFearlessMovieStoryRhetoricJeansOld FashionedCurvesCreative WritingInheritanceModelingSlogansAmit KalantriGarmentsAmit Kalantri QuotesPublic SpeakingProverbsTrust YourselfFaceSocial NetworkingBloggingCelebrityCharactersCosmeticsAmit Kalantri WriterAdageNovel WritingFashion DesignerBook WritingFlameEssayBoldFashion IndustryScriptOutfitsAdvertisementBlogMovie DialogueCoolScript WritingDressCatchphrasesAlliterationsTag LinesScriptwritingCatch LinesSpeechwritingApparelPunchlineFashion QuotesRampDressingHotnessFashion StatementMake UpTrendCatwalkCostumeOutfitGod GivenFigureClothes QuotesTrendingDudeDressing SenseMake Fun OfFashionsMakeoverPage 3Face CreamBorn WithKitty PartyBody CurveLooking Hot
Book:Wealth of Words
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