“The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.”
Marriage Quotes
Browse 6430 quotes about Marriage.
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Marriage Quotes
“I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.”
Source: Not Much Fun: The Lost Poems of Dorothy Parker
Source: Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin
“I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.”
“Women hope men will change after marriage but they don't; men hope women won't change but they do.”
Source: The Sex Diaries: Why Women Go Off Sex And Other Bedroom Battles
Source: Greener pastures
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him.”
“Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.”
“Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.”
“Married life teaches one invaluable lesson: to think of things far enough ahead not to say them.”
“Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness of sins.”
“The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.”
Source: 1000 Stories and Illustrations for All Occasions
“In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.”
“Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.”
“Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.”
“Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk.”
Source: Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.”
“Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night.”
“We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were.”
Source: Heartland
“Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.”
“Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.”
“The ideal husband understands every word his wife doesn't say.”
“Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.”
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.”
“That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.”
“I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.”
“It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.”
“Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.”
“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.”
“Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growths”
Source: Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations