Funny Alcohol Quotes
Browse 137 quotes about Funny Alcohol.
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Funny Alcohol Quotes
“Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either.”
“I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it.”
“Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean...Against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.”
“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”
“I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”
“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.”
“I enjoy cooking with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food I'm cooking.”
“Don't trust a brilliant idea unless it survives the hangover.”
“An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger.”
“There's a thousand reasons why I shouldn't drink... but I can't think of one right now.”
“I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.”
“You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning.”
“I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.”
“I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.”
“A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.”
“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.”
“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”
“Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.”
“I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.”
“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”