“There cannot be good living where there is not good drinking.”
Source: The Autobiography and Other Writings
Funny Alcohol Quotes
Browse 137 quotes about Funny Alcohol.
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Funny Alcohol Quotes
“I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again.”
“Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.”
Source: Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist
“I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.”
“Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.”
Source: The Greatest Invention in the History of Mankind Is Beer: And Other Manly Insights from Dave Barry
Source: When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
“Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.”
“Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.”
“Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector.”
Source: Travels With My Aunt
“Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?”
“I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.”
Source: The World of Raymond Chandler: In His Own Words
“No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.”
“I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.”
“I drink to make other people interesting.”
Source: The World of George Jean Nathan: Essays, Reviews, & Commentary
“Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.”
“I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.”
Source: Holidays in Hell: In Which Our Intrepid Reporter Travels to the World's Worst Places and Asks,
“Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.”
Source: Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin
“No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.”
“Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.”
Source: The joys of aging--and how to avoid them: can sex keep you young? And other silly questions
“I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.”
“I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.”
“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.”
“You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.”
Source: Real Frank Zappa Book
“Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.”
“Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.”
“One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.”
“You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.”
Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.”