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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“When I played drunks I had to remain sober because I didn't know how to play them when I was drunk.”

Knows Play Humor Funny Know How Drink Humorous Wine Drinking Alcohol Drunk Sober Liquor Drinking Alcohol

Author:Richard Burton

“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”

“You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”

“Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?”

“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”

“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”

“What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?”

“You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.”

Source: Real Frank Zappa Book

“A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.”

“Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast.”

World Humorous Drinking Rounds Alcohol Whiskey Anniversary Whisky Drinking Funny Drinking Whiskey Whiskey Drinking Whisk Scotch Whiskey Scotch Whisky Malt Whiskey And Love

Book:Tight Little Island

Source: Tight Little Island

“There are more old drunkards than old physicians.”

Drink Humorous Wine Drinking Alcohol Beer Physicians Liquor Drinking Alcohol Drunkards Great Drinking Alcohol Drinking Great Alcohol Alcoholic Drinks

Book:Gargantua and Pantagruel

Source: Gargantua and Pantagruel

“You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.”

“Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment, and restraint.”

Humor Funny Brain Drink Humorous Shame Wine Drinking Alcohol Cells Occasions Neglect Restraint Embarrassment Liquor Good Sense Selective Refreshments Brain Cells

Book:Thrown Under the Omnibus

Source: Thrown Under the Omnibus

“There is no such thing as bad whiskey. Some whiskeys just happen to be better than others. But a man shouldn't fool with booze until he's fifty; then he's a damn fool if he doesn't.”

Ifs Men Humor Happens Funny Fool Drink Humorous Wine Drinking Alcohol Damn Fifty Whiskey Liquor Booze

Author:William Faulkner

“Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have given me more pleasure.”

Humor Funny Speak Given Pleasure Drink Humorous Wine Drinking Alcohol Drunk Bottles Fifteen Whiskey Liquor Drinking Whiskey Whiskey Drinking Whiskey And Love

Book:Ernest Hemingway Selected Letters 1917-1961

Source: Ernest Hemingway Selected Letters 1917-1961

“In my experience, you run into trouble when you ask a group of beer-drinking men to perform any task more complex than remembering not to light the filter ends of cigarettes.”

Men Ends Humor Light Running Funny Remember Asks Trouble Groups Drink Humorous Tasks Wine Drinking Complexes Alcohol Beer Cigarette Liquor Filters Beer Drinking

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“After the war, Prohibition was passed, and with liquor no longer legally available the nation plunged headlong into the Great Depression.”

War Humor Funny Nations Drink Humorous Wine Drinking Available Alcohol Liquor Prohibition Great Depression

Book:Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway

Source: Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway

“When I finally embraced abstinence it was because of the simple urge to work a longer day. Thus, without joining Alcoholics Anonymous, I was at last able to leave Piss-Artists Notorious.”

Humor Able Funny Lasts Artist Simple Drink Humorous Wine Drinking Alcohol Urges Alcoholics Joining Liquor Abstinence Notorious Alcoholics Anonymous Longer Days

Book:Always Unreliable: Memoirs

Source: Always Unreliable: Memoirs

“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.”

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”