“The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.”
Humorous Quotes
Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.
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Humorous Quotes
“I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.”
“There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.”
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.”
Source: Thrown Under the Omnibus
Source: Ernest Hemingway Selected Letters 1917-1961
Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits
Source: Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway
“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”
Source: Churchill By Himself
“A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.”
Source: The Irrepressible Churchill: Stories, Sayings and Impressions of Sir Winston Churchill
Source: Bill Cosby on Fatherhood
Source: Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have Around the Home
Source: The World According to Dave Barry
Source: Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, but Some Actual Journalism
Source: The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
Source: The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
Source: Just Wait Till You Have Children of Your Own!
Source: The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow
Source: The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig
Source: Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy
Source: Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy
“Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform.”
Source: Everything and a Kite
Source: Everything and a Kite
“Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity.”
Source: Everything and a Kite
Source: I'm Not Really Here
“Judges don't age. Time decorates them.”
Source: Four Plays
“The court is like a palace of marble; it's composed of people very hard and very polished.”
“I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
“I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.”
“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.”
Source: Always Unreliable: Memoirs
“Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?”
Source: The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose
“In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.”
“All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought”
Source: Kurt Vonnegut: Letters
“A jury too often has at least one member more ready to hang the panel than to hang the traitor.”
Source: The Lincoln encyclopedia: the spoken and written words of A. Lincoln arranged for ready reference
“If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.”
Source: The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx