“The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true.”
Humorous Quotes
Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.
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Humorous Quotes
“Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?”
“It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?”
Source: Speaking my mind: selected speeches
“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'”
“The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”
Source: Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)
Source: The Ambrose Bierce satanic reader: selections from the invective journalism of the great satirist
“A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.”
“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”
“The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman.”
Source: The Works of Dr Jonathan Swift, Dean of St Patrick's, Dublin. Accurately Corrected by the Best Editions. With the Author's Life and Character; Notes Historical, Critical, and Explanatory; Tables of Contents, and Indexes. More Complete Than Any Preceding Edition. In Eight Volumes
“If you talk to God, you are praying; If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.”
“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”
“The lack of money is the root of all evil.”
Source: The Devil's Race-track: Mark Twain's Great Dark Writings : the Best from Which was the Dream? and Fables of Man
“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
Source: The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain
“What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.”
Source: The Importance of Being Earnest
“Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.”
Source: The Best of Oscar Wilde: Selected Plays and Writings
“Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.”
“Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.”
“Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.”
“The physician can bury his mistakes, but the architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.”
“Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.”
“I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.”
“Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.”
“I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.”