Humorous Quotes
Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.
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Humorous Quotes
“Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?”
“I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
“Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?”
“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”
“If you're gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.”
“I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.”
“To be ignorant of one's ignorance is the malady of the ignorant.”
“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.”
“Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!”
“The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”
“You'd be amazed how much research you can get done when you have no life whatsoever.”
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - T-SHIRT”
“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese”
“Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.”
“Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.”
“I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.”
“You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax - tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.”
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
“The funniest things are the forbidden.”
“If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.”
“In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.”