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Famous Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”
“I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.”
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”
“I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.”
“I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.”
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.”
“On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.”
“I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
“I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.”
“My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.”
“My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.”
“When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.”
“If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.”
“My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.”
“Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.”
“I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.”
“My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.”
“My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.”
“I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.”
“The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!”
“Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!”
“What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.”