Funny Inspirational Quotes
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Funny Inspirational Quotes
“If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.”
“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”
“Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.”
“We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.”
“An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.”
“We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.”
“In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.”
“If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.”
“I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.”
“Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.”
“Tough times never last, but tough people do.”
“Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
“Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.”
“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”
“We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”
“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.”
“If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.”
“You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward.”
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.”
“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”
“If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.”
“A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.”
“Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”
“Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.”
“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.”
“Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
“Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.”
“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.”
“By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.”