“Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.”
Humorous Quotes
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Humorous Quotes
“Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college.”
“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”
“If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.”
“I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.”
“Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!”
“The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.”
“The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”
“When people are laughing, they're generally not killing one another.”
“You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.”
“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.”
“Two wrongs don't make a right.”
“All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.”
“It's all right for a perfect stranger to kiss your hand as long as he's perfect.”
“Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.”
“There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.”
“I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.”
“Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)”
“My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.”
“Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.”
“For every book you buy, you should buy the time to read it.”
“You'd be amazed how much research you can get done when you have no life whatsoever.”
“All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.”
“What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.”