Humorous Quotes
Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.
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Humorous Quotes
“The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”
“Democracy is the process by which people choose the man who'll get the blame.”
“Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.”
“There's no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery. You can't do any business from there.”
“Everything has been figured out, except how to live.”
“Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.”
“Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.”
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”
“I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.”
“Try not to have a good time... this is supposed to be educational.”
“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?”
“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.”
“Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.”
“An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.”
“God has a brown voice, as soft and full as beer.”
“There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.”
“The covers of this book are too far apart.”
“Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.”
“A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.”
“If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.”
“I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.”
“Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.”
“There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.”
“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”
“Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.”
“There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.”
“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”
“Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.”
“Sometimes the person who is the most logical is the person whom we call insane.”