“I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'”
Funny Quotes
Browse 13923 quotes about Funny.
Related topics
Funny Quotes
“So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."”
“I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."”
“I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on.”
“My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."”
“I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.”
“Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I'll man the guns.”
“I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.”
“My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.”
“And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.”
“I backed horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.”
“Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.”
“A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."”
Source: Bossypants
“If these two are tired of having sex with each other, what hope is there for the rest of us?”