Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes
“My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.”
“The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble.”
“The weatherman is always right. It's just his timing that's off.”
“And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.”
“Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.”
“Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.”
“Back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid. Well, that and faggot.”
“I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.”
“All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.”
“I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!'”
“Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.”
“Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.”
“Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"”
“I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan!”
“If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!”
“It's hard for a man to turn down sex... if they chase us, we can't run that fast.”