Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes
“Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.”
“If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!”
“It's more difficult getting up early in the morning when you're wearing silk pajamas.”
“Ron Guidry is not very big, maybe 140 pounds, but he has an arm like a lion.”
“I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.”
“If everybody's thinking the same thing, then nobody's thinking.”
“No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.”
“If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' what is the opposite of 'progress'?”
“A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.”
“Humor is, by its nature, more truthful than factual.”
“There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.”
“My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark”
“My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.”
“I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.”
“I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.”