“Why would you go out and not drink? Just stay home and sit there.”
Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes
“I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them.”
“That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time.”
“But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.”
“A feminist jumps out of a manhole - oh, and she didn't like that.”
“How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!”
“People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'”
“I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!”
“I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.”
“Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.”
“But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"”
“Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.”
“It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.”
“I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine”
“There we go, that's it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.”
“Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.”
“Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.”
“Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.”