“Moms Mabley said you have to say good things about the dead. I say, 'He's dead. Good.'”
Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes
“Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit.”
Source: Mrs. L.: conversations with Alice Roosevelt Longworth
“I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them at least five years.”
“Don't worry about the war. It's all over but the shooting.”
“Give me a couple of years, and I'll make that actress an overnight success.”
“That's the trouble with directors. Always biting the hand that lays the golden egg.”
“If you're a fish and you want to be a fish-stick, you have to have very good posture.”
“Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city.”
“I was just getting acquainted with the wood. I wanted to see if it was maple or pine.”
“Sport is the only profession I know of that when you retire you have to go to work.”
“Steve Kerr, now coaching Golden State after eight tumultuous and very inconsistent years at TNT.”
“We played well all the way until, like, the second quarter.”
“The way he was playing, he probably could have scored on Jesus.”
“I'm here to shine a bright light. I'm not here to be a guy of death. I just like 'KD' better.”
“You could be adding gasoline to a roaring fire. We understand that. But this is who we are.”
“We scored a season-high, yeah - albeit against a team that is somewhat tanking.”
“Ed, I see you're out drinking again. What's the occasion? I was sober.”
“I don't have the first clue who he is talking about, because all I worry about is Jerome.”
“Hey Steve, no offense, but if you couldn't shoot, there would be no reason for you to be alive.”
“We're just playing basketball. It's not like we're going out to have unprotected sex with Magic.”
“Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cause you were too close, kissing his!”
“I don't mess with that cat. I'm pretty sure he carries a blade under his jersey.”
“It's the kind of game that makes you go home and beat your wife.”