Funny Quotes
Browse 13923 quotes about Funny.
Related topics
Funny Quotes
“I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.”
“Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore.”
“You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again.”
“Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.”
“I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.”
“I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.”
“I met this gangster who pulls up people's pants. Name's Wedgie Kray.”
“Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.”
“I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.”
“You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.”
“I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'”
“So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."”
“I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."”
“I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on.”
“My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."”
“I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.”
“Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I'll man the guns.”
“I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.”
“My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.”