Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes
“[W]ithout humour you cannot run a sweetie-shop, let alone a nation.”
“The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.”
“If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it?”
“The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights.”
“I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.”
“I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.”
“The men liked to put me down as the best woman painter. I think I'm one of the best painters.”
“I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse.”
“The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.”
“Correction does much, but encouragement does more.”
“We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves.”
“If a man writes a book, let him set down only what he knows. I have guesses enough of my own.”
“If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.”
“If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.”
“My mother married a very good man ... and she is not at all keen on my doing the same.”
“Counting in octal is just likst counting in decimal--if you don't use your thumbs.”
“The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.”
“You don't have to be straight to be in the military; you just have to be able to shoot straight.”
“Britain's last gold medal was a bronze in 1952 in Helsinki”
“Steve Ovett, Sebastian Coe, Steve Cram - the vanguard of our cream”
“The Americans sowed the seed, and now they have reaped the whirlwind”