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Joke Quotes

“Some people would not have remained with their partners, if the unfortunate things that have happened to them had happened to their partners, or if the fortunate things that have happened to their partners had happened to them.”

HumorFunnyRelationshipsMarriageRelationshipHumourLoversJokesHumorousFortunePartnersLoyaltySatireWeddingAphorismLoyalLoverJokeSpouseHilariousAphorismsPartnerAphoristAphoristsSpousesVowsWedding VowsThick And ThinThrough Thick And Thin
Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“We would not be ashamed of doing some of the things we do in private, if the number of sane human beings who do them in public were large enough.”

EnoughHumorFunnyQuotesMoralDemocracySocietyCrazyHumourMoralityJokesEthicsHumorousShameMajorityDemocraticInsaneInsanityAshamedTouchedSatireEthicalSanityMoralsAphorismSaneQuotationsJokeMentalHilariousTabooAphorismsShamefulLunaticBananasMasturbationPublicGagaCrackersGonzoAphoristAphoristsDerangedDementedMinorityNuttyPrivateSelf AbuseAround The BendMasturbateSocietiesTaboosDitzyEthicNutty As A FruitcakeLocoBonkersPreceptsCuckooUnhingedCrazedIn PublicLoonyBattyLoopyMad As A HatterNon Compos MentisNot All ThereWackoPreceptIn PrivateMad As A March HareNot Right In The HeadNutsoOut To LunchRaving MadRound The BendThe MajorityThe MinorityWith A Screw Loose
Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Behold.” Magiano spreads his arms in a gesture of pretend triumph. “Revel in its majesty.” I wrinkle my nose. “Are you trying to impress me with a collapsed archway?” “No faith. No faith at all.” He is back to his old self, and it sends a rare thread of joy through my heart. “Follow me,” he murmurs. Then he takes a deep breath and dives down, grabbing my hand as he descends.”

JokeFlirtAdelina AmouteruMagiano
Book:The Midnight Star
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“Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people speak so passionately that their false teeth almost fall out.”

LooksHumorFunnyQuotesHumourHairJokesHumorousArgumentCriticismBlameAppearanceDebateHypocrisyBreastsSatireCriticizeDislikeAphorismQuotationsSurgeryJokeHilariousHypocriteBosomsBlastAphorismsDissatisfactionCondemnationSlamCensureArgumentsRebukeDisapprovalImplantsAphoristAphoristsAppearancesDistasteHypocritesDispleasureCosmetic SurgeryBoobsNatural HairBreast ImplantsDebatesCondemnBreastWeaveKnockersThumbs DownBosomReprimandCosmeticDenunciationBoobDisapproveFalse TeethObjectionChastiseDenounceImplantDenturesReproveWeavesBerateDentureDeprecationRevileBazoomsCastigateCosmetic SurgeriesDisapprobationDisfavorFind Fault WithHootersLay IntoSurgeriesTake To Task
Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Even the world’s greatest actor cannot fake an erection.”

PlayHumorFunnyFilmQuotesActorsSexActingHumourDramaJokesHumorousHollywoodTheaterActressesTheatreFakeMovieSatirePerformersAphorismQuotationsJokePornographyHilariousActAphorismsMoviesPerformancePretendActorPornAphoristAphoristsBollywoodFilmsPenisActressPlaysSimulateDickAffectSexual IntercoursePerformErectionPenisesPerformerPorn StarPornoDramasPut OnDicksErectTheatresFeignPorn StarsTheatersErection DysfunctionNollywood
Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Death would not surprise us as often as it does, if we let go of the misbelief that newborns are less mortal than the elderly.”

LifeChildrenPhilosophyHumorKidsAgeFunnyDeathQuotesBeliefHumourBirthJokesHumorousPreparedSurprisePhilosopherOld AgeImmortalityLife And DeathSatireImmortalMortalityFuneralChildSurprisingAphorismDeadDieQuotationsBeliefsJokeStoicismHilariousEldersRipAphorismsHereafterOldMisconceptionOffspringFallacyNewbornLife After DeathTombstoneStoicBurialUnpreparedPhilosophicRest In PeacePrepareAphoristAphoristsKidMortalCycleFuneralsWeepTombAgedMisconceptionsBuryElderFallaciesMisbeliefGone Too SoonStoicsNewbornsMisbeliefsOld Age HomesOld Age HomeTombstonesThe HereafterPhilosophers CryThe Elders
Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.”

HumorAbleFunnyQuotesAbilityMusicTalentStrengthHumourGeniusMusicianCapableJokesHumorousCapacityMarketingRadioBrilliantTechniqueGiftAdvertisingAccomplishedSatireFacultyAphorismBrandingGiftedQuotationsBentJokeHilariousFacilitySalesExpertiseBrillianceCompetentAphorismsTouchPersonal BrandingArtistrySkillfulSkillExpertAptitudeMarketersKnackAdvertisersFlairAdeptMarketAphoristAphoristsMusiciansPlaylistsForteTalentedDexterityPersonal BrandHitUntalentedCrackAceSkilledHitsMarketerPlaylistConsummateProficientAptDeftAdvertiserDexterousMasterlyTop 40AdroitMusoMusosOne Hit WonderTop FortyUngifted
Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with whom they want or wanted to have sex.”

LifeHumorFunnyDeathQuotesSexAliveHumourJokesHumorousProtectionAidsManageAbortionSatirePregnancyAphorismDeadPregnantQuotationsJokeHilariousHivAphorismsCondomAphoristAphoristsContraceptivesOne Night StandSexual IntercourseHiv PositiveCondomsOne Night StandsAbortThe PillContraceptiveSleep WithHiv Negative
Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“If you ever have to give a speech, start with a joke, if you know one. For years I've been looking for the best joke in the world. I think I know what it is. I will tell it to you, but you have to help me. You have to say, "No," when I hold up my hand like this. All right? Don't let me down. Do you know why cream is so much more expensive than milk? AUDIENCE: No. It is because the cows hate to squat on those bottles.”

Joke
Book:If This Isn't Nice, What Is?: Advice for the Young
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“A story told me by Michael Barrie: Jesus and the Blessed Virgin go out to play golf. The Blessed Virgin is at the top of her form, drives and lands on the green. Jesus slices and lands in the bushes. A squirrel picks up the ball and runs off with it. A dog grab the squirrel, which still holds the ball in its mouth. An eagle swoops down, picks up the dog, squirrel and ball, and soars into the air. Out of a clear sky, lightning strikes the eagle, which drops the dog which drops the squirrel which drops the ball, right into the hole. The Blessed Virgin throws down her driver and exclaims indignantly, ‘Look, are you going to play golf or just fuck around?”

JokeDiariesGay Authors
Book:The Sixties: Diaries 1960–1969
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“Life as a private investigator, slash bounty hunter wasn’t all Gary Beck wanted it to be. There weren’t any big mansions on a palm beach owned by an affluent writer generous enough to let him live rent-free and use his spare Ferrari. But then you have to ask yourself, what could you expect living on a planet like Deanna? As a third-rate colony in the Terran Empire, Deanna had more than its fair share of dull moments. It orbits a star called Ramalama. If you think that’s funny, Deanna’s two moons are called Ding and Dong, respectively (this is a local joke) and one of them falls down occasionally.”

LifeMomentsFunnyDullJokeYourselfBeFerrariEmpireInvestigatorOccasionallyDeannaRent FreeRamalamaDong
Book:Black Sunrise
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“Look, people, I’m announcing a new rule. It’s going to seem harsh. But it’s necessary.” The word “harsh” got almost everyone’s attention. “We can’t have people sitting around all day playing Wii and watching DVDs. We need people to start working in the fields. So, here’s the thing: everyone age seven or older has to put in three days per week picking fruit or veggies. Then Albert’s going to work with the whole question of freezing stuff that can be frozen, or otherwise preserving stuff.” There was dead silence. And blank stares. “What I’m saying is, tomorrow we’ll have two school buses ready to go. They hold about fifty kids each and we need to have them mostly full because we’re going to pick some melons and it’s a lot of work.” More blank stares. “Okay, let me make this simple: get your brothers and sisters and friends and anyone over age seven and be in the square tomorrow morning at eight o’clock.” “But how about—?” “Just be there,” Sam said with less firmness than he’d intended. His frustration was draining away now, replaced by weariness and depression. “Just be there,” someone mimicked in a singsong voice. Sam closed his eyes, and for a moment he almost seemed to be asleep. Then he opened them again and managed a bleak smile. “Please. Be there,” he said quietly. He walked down the three steps and out of the church, knowing in his heart that few would answer his call.”

WorkSpeechJokeRuleMeetingSam TempleUnseriousAnnouncement
Book:Hunger
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“Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.”

HumorFunnyDangerousDangerHumourJokesHumorousConservativeVanityVainArroganceSatireBigotryAphorismArrogantJokeSmall TownPettyHilariousConceitAphorismsComplacentIrritatingCockyConceitedIrritationAphoristAphoristsMean SpiritedMyopicClose MindedNarrow MindedSmall MindedBigotedIntolerantSmugPrejudicedShortsightedIrritateProvincialBigheadedSelf ImportantSelf SatisfiedVaingloriousBlinkeredIlliberalInsularParochialUnimaginativeHideboundPuffed UpAbove OneselfCocksureDyed In The WoolFull Of OneselfInflexibleInward LookingPleased With OneselfSet In One S WaysToo Big For One S BootsToo Big For One S BritchesUncharitable
Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.”

HumorAbleFunnyEnergyAbilityActingHumourJokesHumorousShameReputationAshamedSatirePretendingDisabilityAphorismJokeHumiliationHilariousDisgraceDisabledActPretenseAphorismsStigmaLameParalyzedCrippledPretendDishonorWheelchairsHandicappedAphoristAphoristsBad ReputationShamingEnergiesIgnominyWheelchairCrippleShamedStigmasDifferently AbledDisableBedriddenQuadriplegicParaplegicIncapacitatedNot BadNot That BadAbledImmobilizedDebilitatedIn A WheelchairInfirmOpprobriumOut Of Action
Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Most people who are would each not be in love with their partner, if they did not have the kind of genitals they have.”

LoveChildrenHumorKidsFunnySexParentRelationshipsFamilyMarriageRelationshipHumourLoversGayJokesHumorousPartnersParentsSatireUnconditional LoveParenthoodChildAphorismLoverHomosexualityHomosexualJokeSpouseHilariousTransgenderIn LoveAphorismsLesbianOffspringReproductionPartnerProcreationAphoristAphoristsKidSpousesMarriagesHeterosexualityLesbiansPenisVaginaSexual IntercourseHeterosexualPenisesGaysVaginasGenitalsReproduceProcreateOut Of LoveBe In Love
Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“We have glorified wealth and freedom so much that it is impossible for most of us to truly believe that a man can truly be happy in a shack or within the confines of a prison cell.”

BelieveHumorFunnyHappinessSpiritualJoySpiritualityWealthFreedomMoneyRichHumourWorshipGloryJokesHumorousSlaveryPrisonSlaveRichesHappyLiberationSatireMaterialismWealthyJailPrisonerIdolsAphorismConsumerismFreeJokeHilariousJoyousAphorismsIdolatryExaggerationGlorifyContentSlavesAphoristAphoristsShackMaterialPrisonersLiberateJailerPrisonsIdolPrison CellsConfineExaggerateConfinesJailsInflatedInflatePrison CellJailersJailedShacks
Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are.”

LooksHumorFunnyHappinessJoyHumourJokesHumorousAppearanceHappyUnhappyImpressionSatisfiedDeceptionSatireUnhappinessAphorismJoyfulJokeCheerfulHilariousDelightedJoyousMerrySunnyPretenseAphorismsSmilingRadiantEcstaticContentFirst ImpressionsPretendGrinningJollyFirst ImpressionCarefreeAphoristAphoristsAppearancesDeceiveEuphoricImpressionsBlissfulBlitheOverjoyedExultantLightheartedJovialContentedPleasedElatedBeamingBuoyantGratifiedJumping For JoyOn Top Of The WorldUntroubledCheeryRapturousAs Happy As A ClamBeatificChirpyExhilaratedGleefulIn A Good MoodIn Good SpiritsIn Seventh HeavenJocularJocundJubilantOn A HighOn Cloud NineOver The MoonThrilledTickled PinkWalking On Air
Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“The only real reason that some relationships and marriages have not yet been ended is because in each case one of the partners has not yet found their ideal partner or someone they love or at least like.”

LoveHumorFunnyRelationshipsMarriageRelationshipHumourJokesHumorousGirlfriendBreakupSatireMaterialismAphorismJokeHilariousConvenienceEndBoyfriendAphorismsLikeBreakupsAphoristAphoristsMarriagesIdealGirlfriendsBoyfriendsIdeal ManMarriage Of ConvenienceIdeal WomanTerminatedEndedTerminateIdeal PartnerIdeal LoverIdeal PartnersIdeal BoyfriendIdeal BoyfriendsIdeal GirlfriendIdeal GirlfriendsIdeal LoversIdeal MenIdeal Women
Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“To evade insanity and depression, we unconsciously limit the number of people toward whom we are sincerely sympathetic.”

MindReasonHumorFunnyTogetherCrazyHumourDepressionNormalJokesConsciousSuicideMadMental HealthRationalInsaneLimitationInsanityUnconsciousSatireSincereStabilitySympathySanityNutsAphorismStableSaneBalancedDepressingRationalityJokeSuicidalSincerelyEscapeSympatheticDisturbedPretenseAphorismsCrackedBananasUnstableDepressedSensePsychoPsychoticPretendAvoidSchizophrenicEvasionMentally IllCrackersLimitAphoristAphoristsDerangedDementedLucidityUnbalancedNumberDepressUnsympatheticAround The BendWitsLucidEvadeLocoBonkersConsciouslyCuckooUnconsciouslyUnhingedCrazedFacultiesLoonyBattyCertifiableLoopyMad As A HatterNon Compos MentisNot All ThereWackoBushedMentally DisorderedOf Unsound MindScrewyStark Raving MadAll ThereCompos MentisIn One S Right MindNumber Of PeopleOf Sound MindOff One S RockerOut Of One S MindOut Of One S TreeSaneness
Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Then she called Gansey. It rang twice, three times, and then: "Hello?" He sounded boyish and ordinary. Blue asked, "Did I wake you up?" She heard Gansey fumble for and scrape up his wireframes. "No," he lied, "I was awake." "I called you by accident anyway. I meant to call Congress, but your number was one off." "Oh?" "Yeah, because yours has 6-6-5 in it." She paused. "Get it?" "Oh, you." "6-6-5. One number different. Get it?" "Yeah, I got it.”

HumorFunnyNightJokeHahaPhone Call
Book:Blue Lily, Lily Blue
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“One of the leading causes of obesity is the misbelief that, when it comes to juice, ‘100%’ means ‘sugar-free.”

HumorFunnyBeliefHumourSweetHealthHealthyMassJokesWeightHeavySatireSugarAphorismBeliefsJokeGrossJuiceSkinnyAphorismsObesityMisconceptionOverweightGreaseFatHealthy FoodObeseAphoristAphoristsStoutLargeSweet ToothFattyLeanMisconceptionsMisbelief100ThinMisbeliefsChubbyFleshyOilyCorpulentPlumpHealthy FoodsPlus SizedPortlyBig BonedFlabbyGreasyHeavysetMeatyPaunchyPotbelliedBeefyBeer BelliedBlubberyChunkyOf Ample ProportionsPorkyRoly PolyTubbyWell UpholsteredHundred Percent Juice
Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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